


Egg on His Face

by GeneratorCat



Series: JayTim Week 2017- Valentines Edition [1]
Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Accidental Outing, Embarrassment, M/M, improper use of eggs, probably an overuse of italics, that sounds dirty but it's not i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-23 12:14:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9657068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeneratorCat/pseuds/GeneratorCat
Summary: The man wipes yolk out of his eyes and Tim feels his feet freeze to the grass, fear keeping him in place even though he wants to runso badly. Like Stephanie is doing.He hears her hiss out a curse and then her feet are slapping the gravel drive at an impressive pace. She’s gone, running away into the night, and Tim’s left standing there holding a carton of eggs. Caught red-handed. Or egg-handed.





	

**Author's Note:**

> JayTim week, day one: Handcuffs//Crush  
> This is so silly, but I had a lot of fun writing it. Enjoy :D

As the first egg goes _splat_ against the huge wooden doors, Tim instantly regrets throwing it.

When the second hits the window, he wonders how many he’ll have to throw to satisfy the bet requirements.

And then, when the third egg lands not on the house but on the man that just opened the front door, Tim sees his life flash before his eyes.

_Video games._

_Conner and Steph and Bart and Cassie._

_That one time he caught the kitchen on fire trying to bake cookies._

_Falling asleep in Algebra._

_Pizza._

So maybe it hasn’t been a very full and exciting life, but it’s Tim’s and he likes it. And it’s all over now.

The man wipes yolk out of his eyes and Tim feels his feet freeze to the grass, fear keeping him in place even though he wants to run _so badly_. Like Stephanie is doing.

He hears her hiss out a curse and then her feet are slapping the gravel drive at an impressive pace. She’s gone, running away into the night, and Tim’s left standing there holding a carton of eggs. Caught red-handed. Or egg-handed.

“What the hell? Tim, is that you?”

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, “Yeah. Hey, Dick.”

 _See, this is why you don’t egg your neighbors_ , Tim thinks.

“What the _hell_?” Dick repeats, still wiping goop off his face. He shakes his hand and it goes flying onto the porch. “Are you really egging our house?”

“Um.” Tim… doesn’t have a good answer. “No?” he tries.

“That’s not a very convincing lie, what with the ammunition still in your arms.”

“Oh. Then yes.”  

“ _Why?_ ”

“I… don’t want to tell you.” He really doesn’t think Dick would see the humor in, _I lost a bet and this was my punishment._

“Tim, you do know this is vandalism, right?”

“Is it?”

“Yes. And you do know I’m a cop, right?”

“Oh. Right.”

Fuck.

Dick sighs. “Okay, come in.”

“What?”

“Come inside. I’m going to clean up and then figure out what I want to do with you,” Dick says, stepping to the side and waving Tim into the house. Dick, standing there with his arms crossed, looks like an officer even without the uniform on. He has that vibe, that sense of authority that Tim can’t even think about defying.

Tim goes. He doesn’t really have any other option at this point.

“You can sit there,” Dick says once they're in the foyer, pointing at a little decorative bench against the wall. “I’ll be right back.”

Tim sits.

Sweats.

Fuck. He’s never been in trouble before. Not like this. Dick is a _cop_. Tim could be _arrested_. With _handcuffs_ and a _mugshot_ and _orange jumpsuits_ and _bail_ and _courtrooms_. And yeah, he’s still a minor, and it’s his first offence, so he probably would get off with community service or something, but still. Scary stuff.

Dick comes back, face and hair clean and still a bit wet, and Tim is a jittery mess of nerves.

“You want to tell me what this is all about now?”

Tim opens his mouth to reply but is cut off by Jason Todd walking down the stairs. That’s okay though, Tim doesn’t know what he would have said anyway.

“What what is all about?” Jason asks, coming to stand next to his brother. He smiles. “Hey, Tim.”

Tim gives a weak wave and a shaky smile back. He can’t imagine how this could get any worse. First he gets caught egging, by a _cop_ , and now the boy he likes gets to watch him get taken down for it. But of course Jason is here, it’s his house too and that’s why Stephanie picked it as the target. Because she’s a sadistic genius.  

“Tim here was egging our house,” Dick reports.

Jason’s eyebrows fly up. “Oh, really?”

“Yes,” Dick says gravely.

Jason shakes his head and _tsks_ , but it looks like he might be trying not to laugh. “Why would he do that?”

“He wouldn’t tell me.”

“For shame,” Jason says, and Tim scowls.

“It’s all your fault anyway,” he mumbles.

Dick catches it. “What? Why would it be Jason’s fault?”

“Because...” Tim glances between Dick and Jason, both quite interested in the answer. “Because he cheated on me,” Tim blurts out, out of fucking nowhere. And then he panics.

“ _What?_ ” Tim’s not sure who said it, Dick or Jason. Maybe even Tim.

But his mouth just _keeps going_ , “Yeah, I uh. I was angry. Because he cheated on me. It hurt, ya know? So. Eggs.”

 _Brilliant. Well done, dumbass_ , Tim thinks, barely stopping himself from slapping his own face.

“Is this true?” Dick asks, turning toward his brother.

Jason doesn’t answer, just watches Tim fidget with a crooked half-smile and something in his eyes that makes Tim want to melt onto the floor. Tim loves that looks in his eyes. He just loves Jason’s eyes.

Loves them so much almost misses what Jason says, when he finally speaks.

“Yeah.”

“ _What?_ ” And that time, Tim knows he’s the one that said it.

Jason nods. “Tim thought I cheated on him, so I don’t blame him for getting pissed off. I didn’t, though.” He looks at Tim with a sad little pout, and Tim’s mouth drops open a little. “I promise, baby. It was just a rumor. I never touched her.”

“ _Hhhnng_ ,” Tim says eloquently.

 _Baby_ . Jason Todd just called him _baby_ , giving him puppy dog eyes.

 _Now_ Tim’s life is over.

“Wait,” Dick says, holding up one hand, frowning at the floor in front of him, “you two are together?”

“Yup,” Jason answers, though Tim has no idea why he’s going along with it.  

“Since when?”

“Tuesday,” Tim says, right as Jason says, “A few weeks ago.”

Tim coughs.

Jason says, “A few weeks ago, on a Tuesday.”

Dick asks, “Why didn’t you tell me?” looking hurt and confused.

“Maybe I wasn’t ready to tell you I like boys?” Jason shoves his hands in his pockets and gives a sheepish shrug.  

“Oh please,” Dick scoffs. “You thought I didn’t already know that?”

Wait. What?

Some of the playfulness drops from Jason’s stance and he shoots Tim a quick, nervous glance. “How would you know that?”

“Jay, sweet little brother, you’re not very covert with your longing glances, and I _am_ a cop. I’m trained to read people. And besides,” Dick says, hesitant, “I saw some of the porn sites you visit.”

Jason pales, stumbles back a step. “What? No.”

Dick winces. “Yeah, sorry. It was an accident. But it’s okay, Jason! I love you _no matter what_.”

“Oh my _God_ ,” Jason whines, covering his face with hands that shake.  

Tim watches. Doesn’t breathe.

“You don’t need to be so embarrassed,” Dick says. “Tim already knows you’re gay, and I’ve know for a while, so. It’s fine. Or, bi, I guess, based on your video history. Lots of variety there.”

“Dick, for fuck’s sake, _shut up!_ ”

And Tim thinks he should have just let Dick arrest him, because it probably would have been less painful than this. For Jason, certainly. He feels like the biggest asshole in the world, just sitting there watching this moment. For causing it.

Jason heaves a deep breath, shoulders rising and falling sharply. “Okay.” He drops his hands. His face is red now, and he won’t look at Tim. “I imagined this conversation going a little differently, but okay. Thanks, Dickie. I love you too.”

Dick smiles, and moves to go in for a hug.

Jason throws out an arm to block it. “But next time you look at my internet history, I’ll kill you.”

“It was an accident!”

Jason stares the man down.

“Mostly,” Dick concedes.

“Yeah. Right. Anyway,” Jason says, visibly pulling himself back together, “it was my fault Tim was egging us, so you should let him off easy.”

Then Dick’s attention is on him again, and Tim’s sure he looks like and idiot, completely gobsmacked.

“Okay,” Dick sighs. “Yeah. I remember young love,” he says, and _winks_ , and Tim wants to melt onto the floor again, but in a far less pleasant way.

He nods, though, and squeaks out a, “Thank you.”

“One condition: you have to clean it up.”

“S-sure, no problem.”

“And you’re helping him, Jason.”

“What? Why me?”

“It was your fault he egged us!”

“I didn’t cheat!” Jason argues. “I told you, it was just a rumor.”

Tim admires the fact that Jason can still stick to the fake story he made up.

“Just think of this as an opportunity for you two to talk it out,” Dick says reasonably.   

An opportunity for them to… talk. Right. That’s what Tim needs right now.

“Hop to it,” Dick says, and leaves them alone.

“Um,” Tim says after a long moment of strained silence. “Sorry.”

 _Sorry_. As if that’s enough.

Jason finally looks at him. “For egging my house or for outing me?”

And. God. Tim can’t meet his eyes. “Both. Although,” he says, because he’s an idiot, “probably more so for the whole, _your brother seeing your porn history_ thing. That one’s not my fault, but it was pretty bad. Which, it shouldn’t be, theoretically. I mean, most people look at porn, it’s a pretty normal thing to do. Not that people who _don’t_ look at porn are _abnormal_ , but you know what I mean. Masturbation is this really common thing that no one’s allowed to talk about, even though we all know the next person does it too. Even Dick, you know? So why should you be embarrassed about it? But it’s still embarrassing, so. Sorry.” Tim peters out weakly, has to take a few deep breaths.

Fuck, he’s such an idiot.

Jason laughs. “Thought about that a lot, have you?”

Tim winces. “Ever since my stepmom walked in on me jacking off. That’s what I tell myself to feel better about it.”

“Does it work?”

“No.”

Jason laughs even harder. “Come on,” he says, walking toward the front door. “Let’s get the mess cleaned up. While we’re at it you can tell me your most embarrassing moment, so we’ll be even.”

Tim stands and follows, leaving the carton of eggs on the bench. “I just did.”

“Your stepmom catching you?”

“Catching me beat it to gay porn, and then she ran out of the room and fell down the stairs and broke her arm. I had to take her to the hospital- after I zipped up. And she had a cast for six weeks, and every time either one of us looked it, we _remembered_.”

Jason is _wheezing_ , bent over with his hands on his knees. “Oh my fuck, that’s _awful_ ,” he gasps, wiping a tear from his eye.

“And the doctor asked how it happened, you know, and Dana made up some lie about seeing a mouse that scared her.”

“Well that was nice of her at least.”

“Yeah. She didn’t lie to my dad, though.”

“Oh, damn. How did he take it?” Jason leads Tim around the side of the house to the garden hose, and together they start to unravel it.

Tim shrugs. “Pretty well, actually. He was upset his wife got hurt, of course. But the gay part, he didn’t seem to care much. After he gave me The Talk.”

“The Talk!” Jason cries, giggling. He turns on the water.

“I really didn’t need to know that my dad knows that much about anal sex.”

“Fucking hell,” Jason gasps, both amused and horrified.

“So,” Tim says, pulling the hose to the front of the house, “I think my story might be even worse than yours. If that makes you feel any better.”

“I’m sorry, but it kind of does.”

“It’s fine. Least I could do, really.” Tim washes down the doors and the window. Jason helps by pointing out spots he missed.

“Thanks for telling me all of that,” Jason says as they’re finishing up.

“Thanks for helping me not get arrested.”

“Dick wouldn’t have arrested you,” Jason assures him, taking the hose and dragging it back to where they found it. “But why were you egging us in the first place?”

“Um. I lost a bet.”

“What was the bet?”

Tim swallows. Considers lying, but ends up saying, “Whether I could go a whole day without talking about you.”

Jason stops, blinks at Tim. The hose in his hand drips water onto the grass.

“I couldn’t,” Tim clarifies needlessly.

“Talking about me… In what way?”

“All the ways. According to my friends, I’m “obsessed” and “need to chill”,” Tim says, complete with air quotes. “Which I couldn’t do. I have no chill, apparently.”

“Oh,” Jason says softly. He smiles. “Really?”

“Or, you know, something less weird and creepy.”

Jason wraps up the hose and doesn’t say anything, but his smile stays in place.

Tim asks, “Are you and Dick really okay?”

“We will be after I kick his ass.”

“Must be nice to be able to solve your problems that way.”

“Well, not all of them. I still have to have a _conversation_ my old man.”

“Hopefully it’s not as mortifying as mine was.”

Jason sets down the coiled hose and wipes his hands roughly on his jeans. “I’ll, uh. I’ll call you and let you know, yeah?”

Tim smiles. “Yeah.”


End file.
